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7 greatest 'Simpsons' episodes (and six great oneliners)

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Darren O'Donoghue

Date: Tue. Oct. 9 2007 2:17 PM ET

Well, after 18 years and over hundreds upon hundreds of episodes, "The Simpsons movie" is finally hitting the big screen. As a dedicated fan since its earliest beginnings as a small widget on the Tracy Ullman show way back in the late '80s, I've battled with myself (and often others) as to which are the "BESTest" episodes of all time.

Sure, my attentions have been diverted in recent years by the increasingly funnier fare of the Griffins on "Family Guy," but when any one of the following episodes pops up on the dial during a lazy afternoon tube surf, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that my next 20 minutes are a complete write off.

Here the episodes that I think are the seven "Simpsons" for the ages ...

_________

7. Cape Feare (aired 1993)

The plot: Sideshow Bob is released from prison and he's bent on getting revenge on Bart. When Sideshow begins to send the indomitable tike intimidating letters, even threatening him with a machete, the family enters the protection program under the assumed name of the Thompsons and moves to Terror Lake.

Why it's one of the greats: Bart is saved by, of all things, the H.M.S. Pinafore. Literate and intelligent cultural reverence and recurring character development are a testament to the series' brilliance. Plus, a man hits himself in the face with a garden rake nine times. Sweet.

_________

6. Homer vs. the 18th Amendment (aired 1997)

The plot: When Bart gets drunk on St. Paddy's the Springfield government reinstates prohibition. Chief Wiggum then proves a failure at enforcement and so he's shoved aside by untouchable Rex Banner. Meanwhile, Homer becomes a rumrunner, dubbing himself "The Beer Baron."

Why it's one of the greats: Parodying fundamentalism is a "Simpsons" pastime, and this episode leaves no hypocritical righteousness unscathed. Father and under-aged son bonding in the beer biz is every child's dream.

_________

5. Homer and Apu (1994)

The plot: A hidden camera sting probing questionable food practices at the Kwik-E-Mart results in Apu receiving his walking papers. Of course, he walks right to the Simpsons to enlist Homer in a soul searching mission to India that will help reclaim the poor chap's job.

Why it's one of the greats: The moonlit serenade that poor Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon belts from the roof of the Simpsons' shack brings, without fail, a tear to my hardened eye. While we hate it "when people lie to us through song," we all need Apu and we all need the Kwik-E-Mart.

_________

4. Homerpalooza (aired 1996)

The plot: When Bart calls out Homer for his love of 70's stadium rock, the old man sets out to prove he's still hip. To show he's got his finger on the pulse Homer takes the kids to the traveling music fest, know as Hullabalooza. Needless to say, he sets off a riot and takes a cannonball to his doughy gut.

Why it's one of the greats: In this caustic skewering of "music, and advertisement, and youth-oriented product positioning" we're served cameos from the zeitgeist of the day, including Cypress Hill, Smashing Pumpkins and Sonic Youth.

_________

3. Rosebud (aired 1993)

The plot: On his birthday Mr. Burns dreams of his Bobo, a long lost stuffed toy from his youth, which, as it turns out is, is in the possession of one Maggie Simpson. Smithers, desperate to please his life's passion, makes it his mission to return said stuftie to its original owner.

Why it's one of the greats: This ode to the hallowed Orson Welles film "Citizen Kane" is jammed with references to everything sacred in American pop culture, from "Planet of the Apes" to the Ramones - plus Smithers fantasizes about a nude Burns jumping out of a birthday cake singing." I shudder, but it cracks me up every single time we see that spindly torso of the "full Monty" Burns.

_________

2. Marge versus the Monorail (aired 1993)

The plot: A slick huckster woos the townsfolk with a melodious song-and-dance routine, convincing them they need to buy a monorail with a questionable safety record. Homer, of course, volunteers to become conductor. Marge is the sole voice of reason.

Why it's one of the greats: Still relevant today, this tribute to the classic film the "Music Man" was penned by Conan O'Brien. It puts the entire town's lack of cognitive reason out there for all to see, and in doing so showcases our own inability to often question the obvious.

_________

1. Last Exit to Springfield (aired 1993)

The plot: When Burns cuts the Dental Plan from the power plant's union contract, Homer takes up the torch and incites a strike when he discovers he now has to pay for Lisa's new braces.

Why it's one of the greats: Dubbed the greatest of the entire series by pop culture authorities Entertainment Weekly in 2003. The hallowed publication called it "virtually flawless, the product of a series at the height of its creative powers -- when the satire was savage and relevant." Who are we to disagree?

_________

Our six favourite one-liners (and who said them)

  • "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?" - Homer J.
  • "You did it, Nibbles. Now, chew through my ball sack." - Principle Skinner (stuck inside a burlap ball bag, talking to a hamster)
  • "Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems" - Homer J.
  • "If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it" - Bart
  • "But the ball ... his groin, it works on so many levels" - Homer J. after screening Hans Moleman's entry to the Springfield Film Festival.
  • "My cat's breath smells like cat food." - Ralph Wiggum

Agree, disagree? Tell us which ones are your faves and why?

_________


The Simpsons can be seen every night at 9 p.m. and 12:30 a.m. ET/PT on The Comedy Network.

Please Add Comments( )

Paul D.
said
0 0

Where the heck is Who Shot Mr. Burns? You call yourself a fan. Sure, buddy


Help Mojo
said
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How could you overlook the one when Hank Scorpio takes over the east coast? No episode is better.


André
said
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The BEST Ralph Wiggum one-liner has GOT to be: "Me fail English? That's unpossible."


Don M.
said
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"Excellent shot Smithers. I'll be squeezing my Bobo in no time" Monty Burns

Best line ever!


John T.
said
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It seems that 1993 was the best year for The Simpsons. Conan O'Brien was definitely one of their best writers!


MRB
said
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Some good insight in there. One recommendation would be to include the episode where Mona berates Tony for letting Sam stay out too late on a school night.


Paul D
said
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Hey Micelli, that's Who the Boss. The third best show that debuted in the '80s, after the Simpsons and Kate and Allie.


jp
said
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It tastes like burning -Ralph Wiggum


rugby_mike
said
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"Me fail english? That unpossible" - Ralph Wiggum

Because it is just so funny


James Maccormack
said
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Any of the Holloween Specials could be a top 7. Not only do you get so many send offs to horror classics, but you get three of them in a half hour show. As for classic lines, there is only one; "D'oh!"


Xan
said
0 0

Hey, the greatest quote is missing! The one where Homer seems to shine for the first time!"

Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me."

Man: "OK Mr. Burns, what's your first name"

Homer: "I don't know!"


Michele
said
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you are suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

homer said and because it is funny.


KJ
said
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Best Ralph line ever: "Teacher sent me home 'cause I was dirty".


Tim
said
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It's a fair list. When Homer gets hired by Globex and works for Hank Scorpio is a beauty. When the Simpsons go to Brazil is a classic, and let's notleave out when Homer becomes Sanitation Commissioner (starring U2 and Steve Martin). Best Ralph line: "Hi Principal Skinner, hi Supernintendo Chalmers"


AChiasson
said
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It may sound strange, but I think that all episodes were great! My daughter and I watch it two or three times every day!


Rob K
said
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One of my all time favorite lines, courtesy of Chief Wiggum:

"Mmm...engine black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty"


andy
said
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The best one liner is when Marge is being pursued by the bowling guy in an early episode, and he asks her to brunch, and she doesn't know what it is, and he says "It's not quite breakfast and not quite lunch and it's served with a canteloupe at the end."


John
said
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The one where the Simpsons go to Australia should be in the Top 5.


Tim
said
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Uh...Krusty Gets Kancelled? Comedy gold and far better than the Homerpalooza and 18th Amendment episodes.


Simpsons Fan
said
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What about "I'm from Canada - they think I'm slow, eh"


oxtad
said
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Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming is one of my favs...then again, any of the Sideshow Bob episodes were great


Sherry
said
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"This isn't going to be about Jesus is it"

When Homer opens the door to see Reverend Lovejoy, Mrs Lovejoy, and Flanders there.


Mike H
said
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The two best episodes are not even on this list:

1) Lisa becomes a vegetarian and

2) Burns sells the plant to the Germans (Homer goes to the land of chocolate... mmm, chocolate....)


Joe
said
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Best line, from Who Shot Mr Burns. Mr. Burns: "Since the beginning of time man has yearned to destroy the sun."


Nick
said
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Ralph Wiggum one liner: I have two kinds of wet in my pants


jamie
said
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1. "it tastes like burning" Model United Nations episode..
2. "damn you Bette Midler!!!" Krusty comeback episode
3. "Elephant Lisa, it's an elephant" Stampy episode
4. "ooo a fat sarcastic star trek fan like yourself must be a real hit with the ladies.." Sarcastic man to comic book guy.
5. "I got a movie for you, 'A fridge too far'. Homer works from home episode.
6. "shut up and eat the damn oranges.."Grandpa to hans moleman in orange eating class, homer teaches night school



Mitz
said
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Homer Smokes Weed! So many funny lines in this one.
"Marg I just realized I am the ow in the word now"-Homer

Homer refers to Flaunders as the "God Dude"




Hollis
said
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How could you over look the Lemon Tree episode. By far the greatest ever. That episode alone potentially has the top 6 quotes.


Paul M.
said
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a pitty you have all missed the best Simpsons line ever... "yeah sleep! That's where I'm a viking." - Wigum, R.


LJ
said
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During a retrospective show (discussing the "Who Shot Burns" episode), the announcer said: "..but that would ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence...and thats just silly."

Sorry, OJ....


MagnuS
said
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"I bent my wookie" - Ralph

When Homer first meets Flanders:
Flanders "Howdy, Ned Flanders is the name, but my friends call me Ned"
Homer "Flanders" and nods

"Which one is oral?" - Ralph
"Doctor says my nose wouldn't bleed as much if I kept my fingers out of it" - Ralph

Krusty the Clown College: SPEED HOLES!!

Homer in Space

Behind the scenes - classic

and so forth...


Ted Girard
said
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Best Line - 'If I didn't have any goldfish, why did I have the bowl Bart, why did I have the bowl' - Millhouse



said
0 0

Rodney Dangerfield as Mr. Burns' son seeing the Burns estate for the first time "Wow, this guy has more bread than a prison meatloaf".




D_Tribe
said
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Great episode missed in the list is the episode where Homer starts the grease business.

Line: <> You're going to make money by selling grease.
<> No Marge, through savings and wise investments.

Also in that episode - when Homer tells Bart that they have to make the grease business work or "I'll have to go work on your mother's emu farm"

Another Top 7 episode should be where lisa gets her Pony.

Final Classic Simpsons line, is when Lisa has a crush on Nelson and staring out the detention room window she remarks: "he is like a riddle wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a vest" - CLASSIC


Skye
said
0 0

Those are the best one liners. The best is Ralph.
My other one is
My Cats name is Mittens. LOL. Simpsons Rules.


Curt
said
0 0

Great list, two of my favorite quotes are:

When bart's class is learning about Jebidiah Springfield

Teacher: :I've never heard the word embiggens before"

Mrs. Krebopal: "Embiggens, its a perfectly cromulate word!"

The other:

Mrs. Krebopal to class: "Who's calculator can tell me what 9*6 is?"

Milhouse: "OOh Ooh is it error!"




Anonymous
said
0 0

Kent Brockman: [talking about the people of "New Springfield" when a new area code divides the town] They use low-class expressions like "Oh, yeah!" and "Come here a minute."
Homer Simpson: [watching the TV with Bart] Oh, yeah, they think we're low class. Hey, Bart, come here a minute.
Bart: You come here a minute.
Homer Simpson: Oh, yeah...




said
0 0

the episode where Ralph Wiggum takes Lisa Simpson to the Krusty special show on Valentine's Day is another classic episode

another Ralph Wiggum line (actually it was written by Ralphie)

-- look in the tunk...i think he (Ralph) meant TRUNK

i am so smart,
i am so smart,
i am so smart,
S-M-R-T
i mean S-M-A-R-T

(Homer's song after he read his acceptance letter to Springfield University)


Bolton
said
0 0

How could no one pick the Frank Grims episode, it is by far the best of the later episodes.


Phil L
said
0 0

Homer: "Ok brain I don't like you and you don't like me, if you get me through this exam, I'll continue killing you with beer."

Brain: "It's a deal."


Captain Awesome
said
0 0

Hows about:

"Oh, so they have internet on computers now!"

or

"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk"





Mike McCarthy
said
0 0

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.



Art
said
0 0

How could the Flaming Moe's Episode be left off this list? It had everything plus Aerosmith and Ms Krabapple in a tube top!!


Pam
said
0 0

Three of my favourite quotes (really there are so many):
1-"I am so smart. S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!"-Homer
2-"Help me Jebus"-Homer
3-"What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?"- Chief Wiggum




Kris
said
0 0

Umm, what about Krusty's Comeback Special, the episode where Marge bans Itchy and Scratchy, The Lemon Tree, or The Springfield Film Festival? Any of those kick Homerpalooza in the backside, and ditto about the first ten seasons of Hallowe'en episodes they are really some of the best Simpsons moments in my opinion (can't do better than James Earl Jones reading the Raven)...favourite quote (not yet mentioned): "And when the doctor said that I didn't have worms anymore, that was the best day of my life" -Ralph Wiggum


Captain Awesome
said
0 0

Kris - Seriously,
James Earl Jones??

Im sure we would all rather listen to Wolf Blitzer recite The Raven rather than that washed up Verizon schilling has been.




Captain Awesome
said
0 0

This alone proves the Hullabalooza episode was gold:

"Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins"
Homer: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely"


LWM
said
0 0

I ated the purple berries...they taste like burning! - Ralph Wiggum


Jason
said
0 0

And where is my favorite too?
"You only move twice"
Who can't say that Hank Scorpio is not the best!!


Bob
said
0 0

Worst Episode Ever: Bart as a Jockey (Comic Book Guy's Shirt even says so)

Best Quote: When Mr. Burns Cannot insert his ATM Card.
Mr. Burns: "Guide me in Smithers"
Mr. Smithers: "With Pleasure"


Pat S.
said
0 0

The hokey episode where homer says: HAHA, that kids got bosoms!
Followed by the little german kid running and screaming, "stop chasing me, I'm full of chocolate...
Cracks me up everytime!


Len
said
0 0

Seems like everyone has forgotten these "Ralphisms":

-"I'm going to go live with underground grandma!"

and, said at Bart's lame party:

-"Bart is my bestest boyfriend!".

And how about the announcer at a baseball game saying:
"It's going...going...and, like America's credibility on the world stage, that ball is gone!"

And in the same episode, Homer says to Marge:
"Marge, honey, we've been through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown combined!"

Okay - 1 more, please. Everyone who watches knows the various signs/billboards, etc. are often the funniest things. So how about when they're walking up to the school for Lisa's band recital and there are two banners hanging in front of the school:
Top Banner reads:
"Grade (?) Band Recital tonight - SOLD OUT"
Banner below reads: "Tomorrow night - Barbra Streisand - planty of tickets still available"

LOVE this show!


KAP
said
0 0

best line ever is in the "New Springfield" episode when the town is watching the movie with the telephone talking about remembering a new area code
"even monkeys can remember 10 digits, are you stupider than a monkey?"



sully
said
0 0

The lemon tree episode is my all time favorite.
Also has the best all time quote

"Break in here, you must be pretty stupid"

Homer: "Stupider like a fox"


G.W.
said
0 0

Two favourites-

"Women and seamen don't mix" Waylon Smithers

and

"EVERYTHING is about JESUS, Homer" Rev. Lovejoy


RB
said
0 0

The best Ralph Wiggums quote is from the Lord of the Flies episode: "Tastes like burning!"


Captain Awesome
said
0 0

Bob - Jockey episode is the worst ever?

Apparently you forgot this gem from it:

"And away they go!

It's Chock Full O'Drugs followed closely by Stalker, with Old Levis
fading fast!"
-- Race Announcer, "Saddlesore Galactica"



Buddy
said
0 0

Hi everybody!

If something should happen lets not get the law involved. One hand washes the other!


Flindy
said
0 0

How could everyone overlook the All You Can Eat episode?

Lionel Hutz was one of the best characters ever. "This is the best lawsuit since my case against the Neverending Story!"



said
0 0

I think the funniest quote comes from the "John Waters" episode. Homer "I like my t.v. loud, my beer cold and my homosexuals flaming".



said
0 0

All very good without a doubt. My favourite one-liner is from "A Tale of Two Springsfields."
"Thank you New Springfield, for our golden showers." - Kent Brockman.


RedFox-1
said
0 0

Mr. Burns, feeling lonely and thinking Homer is a ladies' man:
"Simpson, I need loving!"

Homer: "Oookayy... I'm gonna need beer."

61 posts and it doesn't come up. Is it just me?


Gord M.
said
0 0

The episode where Homer flees to the country to get out of a duel with the Colonel. He becomes a farmer and, using plutonium as fertilizer, crosses tomatoes with tobacco - and creates TOMACCO! Hysterical from start to finish.

Ralph Wiggums: "Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Grandma!"

Lisa: "I thought you said it tasted teribble."
Bart: "It does. But it's smooth and mild. And refreshingly addictive."


TR
said
0 0

Episode: Homer gets a gun.

Line:
Ralph with an ice cream cone on his head
"I'm a unitard"




Matt
said
0 0

A favourite of mine is when Homer was trying to ingest that big green blob, and it kept back up through his nose, and he says:

"If I can keep Arby's down, I can keep you down!"



Joe Shlabotnick
said
0 0

"Principle" Skinner?



blake
said
0 0

My favorite oneliner is when Bart says with absolute horror, "The dead have risen and are voting Republican!"


Jennifer
said
0 0

The episode where Homer teaches the marriage class

"What is a wedding? Webster's dictionary defines it as pulling weeds from one's garden."



said
0 0

RAPLH WIGGUM

"DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK DUCK"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=wT8MqN5Y4Qo




Mike LePage
said
0 0

"You Only Move Twice" isn't on this list.

Here is why it should be:

Homer: Hey Hank..is there any sugar around here?

Hank Scorpio: Sugar? Sure [digs in pockets, comes out with a handful of sugar]. There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Do you need some cream?

Homer: I....uh....no.

As Lionel Hutz would say, "I rest my case".


Harry K.
said
0 0

From the Beer Baron episode...

Moe coming in: Homer my costumers are sobering up and they ain't gonna stikk around for the ambience. You gotta get me more beer.
Homer. Sorry I'm all out. Oh how about some turpentine? or caulk? delicious caulk.

Why it's funny: Ummm... "delicious caulk" anyone. Say it out loud. Now that's funny!


Dean
said
0 0

Best ONE LINER: Marg joins the force and kicks the crap out of the criminal who robbed her... Proudly stating " YOU'VE BEEN MARGINALIZED" ... very cleaver & funny writing!


Darren
said
0 0

Best quotes:

"Okay brain, I don't like you and you don't like me but lets do this thing so I can get back to killing you slowly with beer."
Homer

Burns asks Smithers if he agrees Marge would make a fine addition to his sailing crew to hired to find "King Homer"
Smithers: "I don't think women and seamen mix, sir."
Burns: "We know what you think!"


Jody
said
0 0

"I’m no missionary. I don’t even believe in Jebus!"

- When the plane that is carrying Homer to do missionary work is taking off, he cries:
"Save me, Jebus!........save meeeeeeeeee."

When Homer is attempting to use a shortwave radio, the family hears Homer saying:
"Jebus, where are you? Homer to Jebus!"


Matt
said
0 0

"If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me!"

Priceless


Mario
said
0 0

" We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine."

From the episode when the Germans buy the power plant.


Harry K
said
0 0

Everything's coming up Millhouse!" - Millhouse



said
0 0

70 responses and no one even mentions the halloween zombie episode?

Bart or Lisa: "Dad! you just shot the zombie Flanders!"

Homer: "Flanders was a zombie?"

I laugh everytime I even think about that one.


Lori
said
0 0

Too many favorite episodes to pick one (or 20) but a couple of my favorite quotes:

"She's touching me in my special area" - Ralph when Marge touches his shoulder to reassure him

and (possibly) my all-time favorite Simpsons quote/sequence:
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!


Troy
said
0 0

From the Stampy Episode.

Homer "He Likes Peanuts"




Macdonsh
said
0 0

When Moe leaves Barney in charge of the bar and Barney is lying under the keg and says - "Oh Oh heart stopped, Oh there is goes.


G.W.
said
0 0

Homer refers to his garage during a poker game, and Moe replies "Well lah-di-dah, garage, Mr. Frenchman". Homer asks "Well, what do you call it?"

Moe answers "CARHOLE!!"

Another episode where Homer is working long hours away from home, so Marge puts the computer monitor at the head of the table at mealtime, and Homer joins them online. When it is bedtime, Homer tells Bart that he is not too old to give his monitor a kiss. When Bart embraces the monitor, Homer yells "That's a printer port, not a fingerhole!".

Best episode missing from the list, when Homer joins the Stonecutters.


Mike
said
0 0

How about the episode where the Flanders were baptizing Bart and as the water was coming down Homer jumps towards Bart screaming Nnnnnnnnooooooooooo!! in the "deep Satan" voice.


Bart: Wow Dad, you took a baptismal for me!


Antonio
said
0 0

Rodney Dangerfield:

"It's lonelier in here than in a Scottish pay toilet."

Episode where Rodney Dangerfield plays Mr. Burns long lost son Larry.


Liz
said
0 0

Oh my goodness.."Round Springfield" so funny!!!
Lisa meets up again with Bleeding gums Murphy again and he dies.
- "Will just go down to the pound and get you a new jazz man"
-" Do you follow my husband around selling hotdogs?"..."Lady he's putting my kids through college"
Best episode ever!


simpsons fan
said
0 0

there are so many great simpson's quotes. as such there is really no reason to debate them. however, this list of best simpsons episodes is so far off. the top 7 episodes should look something like this:

1) Homer thinks Bart is Gay
2) President Bush vs. Homer Simpson
3) The Monorail Episode
4) Bart's Comet
5) Lisa the Vegetarian
6) Homer goes to College
7) Krusty's comeback special

other great episodes include:

1) Flaming Moe's
2) Bat Goes on Drugs
3) Homer Smokes Weed
4) Homer's Brother Herb Episodes
5) Simpson's move to cypress creek
6) Homer goes on fat disability
7) Who shot Mr. Burns
8) Marge becomes a Cop
9) All the Halloween specials
10) The hurricane episode

and the list goes on


Julia
said
0 0

Three of my favourites are

Duffman: "Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem. OH YEAH!"

Mr. Burns: "Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the children's hospital..... when pigs fly!"
*pig flies past the window*

*Cletus climbs up a telephone poll to return some shoes he found there.*
Cletus: "Hey, I can call my Maw from up here. HEY MAW! GET OFF THE DANG ROOF!"


Julia
said
0 0

Kang as Clinton: "We must move forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twlring, twirling towards freedom!"


Chris
said
0 0

In my opinion
7.Gay episode(hilarious)
6.Hank Scorpio
5.Simpsons in brazil
4.Simpsons in Canada
.................What Am i saying they are all Great


Solange
said
0 0

Two classics: when Aunt Selma (Patty?) feels maternal and takes Bart and Lisa to Duff Gardens after Homer gets food poisoning from the 10 foot hoagie. "I am the Lizard Queen!" and "Can't talk. Coming down." are stellar

Also, the major league baseball one where Bart goes on Focusin (Ritalin) and Principal Skinner shows Marge the 3-D cone of ignorance around Bart's seat in the classroom.

The oldies rock.


Mike B.
said
0 0

The episode when Mr. Burns brings in all the professional ball players to win the game. Ken Griffey's enormous head, Ozzie Smith a chicken, and "Mattingly, I told you to shave those sideburns". This episode is a classic.

My favorite quote was on the letter Homer wrote to Flanders to keep him away. "Ned, meet me in Idaho(?)
Signed
Jesus (HChrist)


Anonymous
said
0 0

MMM Free goo - Homer

Best episode: the one with Homer living with the gay couple... priceless


Russel
said
0 0

episode when they were filming a movie,
best line

"my eyes the goggles do nothing"

as the character is in a river of acid


SPS
said
0 0

I consider the following lines by Mr. Burns and Smithers to be among the greatest in Simpsons history.

Mr. Burns: "Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. We're both industrialists. We both made shells for the Nazis. But mine worked, damn it!"

Smithers: "I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir... Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre..."
Burns: "I ought to club them and eat their bones..."

Burns: Who is that lavatory linksman, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir. One of the fork and spoon operators from sector 7-G.
Burns: Well, he's certainly got a loose waggle. Perhaps I've finally found a golfer worthy of a match with Monty Burns, eh?
Smithers: His waggle is no match for yours, sir. I've never seen you lose a game. Except for that one in '74 when you let Richard Nixon win. That was very kind of you, sir.
Burns: Oh, he just looked so forlorn, Smithers, with his [imitating Nixon] "Oh, I can't go to prison, Monty. They'll eat me alive!" [Smithers laughs] I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation?
Smithers: Unlikely, sir. They spell and pronounce their names differently.
Burns: Bah. Schedule a game and I'll ask him myself.


Brian
said
0 0

In my view the episode where Bart leaves the phone off the hook while speaking to a kid in Australia and they all wind up there because Bart committed a "Bootable" offence is the best episode.


Ced
said
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Best one liners
"and the elephant that couldn't stop laughing was put to death" Kent Brockman
"Number 2: Why did you think a big balloon would stop people?
Scientist: Shut up! That's why!" The Computer wore Menace Shoes

Best Episodes missing : Homer in Space, The computer (see above, Flaming Moes, Fear of Flying, among others...


DPC
said
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Best episodes: HMS Pinafore, and Street Car Named Desire--Maggie's great escape!

Best song and dance number: Mr. Burns "See my Vest" in the episode where Santa's little helper becomes a father.

Halloween episodes are all good--but I'll never forget the magic words to put the zombies back into their graves: Magnum, Trojan, Ramses, Sheik!

Final brilliant moment: Comic Book guy fantasizing about Lt. Uhura, Catwoman and Agent 99!


Bubba64
said
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Best one-liner is from the episode where Homer joins the Army (Kiefer Sutherland was the drill sargeant)

Cletus: "Excuse me, but this here avocado just gave me a wedding ring!"

Another classic is from the episode where Bart builds a soap-box racer:

Bart: "Frankly Homer, I liked your half-assed approach to fatherhood better"

Homer: "But I'm using my whole ass!"



Julius
said
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For my money, the Hank Scorpio episode should be on this list.


Gary P
said
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"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such."
Homer Simpson


DS
said
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You left out the Stone Cutters. Who isn't into a world wide conspiracy theory? A plain jab at the free masons, illuminati,skull and bones..... Plus they had their own theme song. How cool is that.



Jerry
said
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these are great comments. stirs up a lot of funny memories.

my favourite line:
Carmen Electra: "Homer my eyes are up here."
Homer, while staring at her chest: "I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it."


Mike
said
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Homer: Bart..You Broke Grandpa's teeth, now he gets to break yours.

Grandpa: Oh , this is gonna be sweet!

My Favourite part in all the Simpsons is the "Raiders of the Lost Arc" sequence.. with Bart stealing Homers change jar.. that's pure classic..
h**p://youtube.com/watch?v=rdu4TBf091Yhttp://youtube.com/watch?v=rdu4TBf091Y


Mike N
said
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Homer Becomes a Missionary

Bart: Homer are you licking toads??
Homer: I'm not not licking toads.



Lorne
said
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3 great episodes:
3. When Homer gains weight so he can go on disability "I heard his butt has its own Congressman" Jimbo
2. When Bart gets rid of Santa's little helper. "Uhh! I almost had him eating dogfood" Homer
1. When Bart dates Reverend Lovejoy's daughter- this has the most classic one-liners, such as the Scotchtoberfest fiasco.
"Ya yused me Skinner, ya yuuused me!

Best line: "I bent my wookie" Ralph


MagnuS
said
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Ralph:
- My nob tastes funny!
- I found a moon rock in my nose
- so, do you like stuff?
- I once picked my nose till it bleeded
- what's a battle?
- go banana!
- Hi supernintendo Chalmers
- me fail english, that unpossible!
- why do people run from me (as he's peeing his pants)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH oh my!


Jim G.
said
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"Max Power doesn't snuggle... you strap yourself in and feel the G's!!"


Kal
said
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Definately:

"The fingers you've attempted to dial with are too fat...to obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your hand..."

So funny...also:

"Praaayy fooor MoooJooo!"


Gord
said
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Homer to Marge - "Honey, just becuase I'm not interested dosen't mean I don't care. Goodnight. zzzzz."


Chris L.
said
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Good list, but I'm inclined to agree with Help Mojo that the Hank Scorpio episode is the pinnacle of Simpsons episodes.

"Have you ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?" - Scorpio ... I mean, come on - art.


Simpsons #1 Fan
said
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Two more favourites (that haven't already been mentioned)...

The lemon tree episode when Springfield Milhouse and Shelbyville Milhouse meet and say, "So this is what it sounds like...when doves cry".

On the father/son rafting trip and Homer, Bart and the Flanders' are adrift and toss their last cheese doodle into the ocean and Ned says, "God speed little doodle".


Paul H
said
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what?? no one cares for Mr. Burn's "See My Vest" song???

Also
form Homer's hunger strike...
"Dancin away my hunmgers pains...moving my feet so my stomach don't hurt...I'm kinda like Jesus,but not in a sacreligious way!"

otherwise the list is dead on!!


Fady A.
said
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Best Simpson line:

Homer: Everytime I learn something new, something old comes out of my brain. Remember the time I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive.

Marge: That's because you were drunk.


C-lo
said
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"Don't say you were ina bar. Don't say you were in a bar. What's open late at night?

I was in a pornography store. I was buying pornography."

-Homer


Joe
said
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How can you forget the best line ever, when Marge says to Homer."and another thing, your boss called, he said if you are not into work today, don't bother coming in on Monday" whereas Homers jumps and yells" Woohoo..four day weekend"! This is the best line ever.


Nuno
said
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"hi, i'm Troy McClure. you may remember me from such diy films as "Dig Your Own Grave and Save" and "The Half-Assed Guide to Foundation Repair".

R.I.P. Phil Hartman


Mike
said
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Greatest episode ever was the hockey episode.

Best Quote (Homer the Vigilante):

Kent Brockman: Mr Simpson how do you respond to the charge that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down 80% while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking 900% ?

Homer: Aww people can come with statistics to prove anything Kent...14% of all people know that




Chris L
said
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Troy McClure had the best one liners ever! "Hello i'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such self help films like, Smoke yourself thin and get confident stupid"!!


Jeff
said
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Every episode and quote listed is a classic.. but some of my favorites are

-"I'm so hungry, I could eat at Arby's"

-"Crab Juice or Mountain Dew"
-"Eww, I'll have the Crab Juice"

"What do you call it when a man is gay for a woman?"


Francesco Franco
said
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Kamp Krusty....
pure greatness...
Krusty is wearing a shirt which reads
"I got smashed at Wimbledon"

Also... Krusty Gets Kancelled (with Gabbo and Johnny Carson)


Cam
said
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I can't remember the episode, but Grampa Simpson walks by while Marge complains about something: "Bitch, bitch, bitch."


Jenn
said
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Ralph Wiggums - "The Leprechuns tell me to burn things" I can't remember the episode though.


Greg
said
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Marge: "Homy, you know I'm usually good for a tripple X throw down"


Joebuda
said
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Some of my favorite lines ( that I can think of right now).

In the Halloween Ep with the Golum there are a few - Bart to the Golum " Can't you read my writing I didn't say kick Homers Walls, I said Kick ... thats better"

Willie to Skinner -"You'll make better mulch than ya did a man"
Skinner" I may be bifarcated but I still have feelings"

In the Ep where Homer Joins the Army - Cletus says "This here avocado just gave me a wedding ring"

In the Homer smoke weed ep - "Why do the call them fingers I've never seen them fing...Oh there they go.

Anyways I could think of a ton more but those are the ones that came to mind.


Tiffany
said
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Lisa's Rival was one of my favourites. It includes one liners like:
"My cat's name is Mittens."
"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
"I bent my Wookie."
"Bees are on the what now?"
and my favourite:
"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then...you get the women" as Homer is guarding his mound of sugar.

And another great line: "The bee bit my bottom! And now my bottom's big!"


AFB
said
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Great visual: I am evil Homer, I am evil Homer, etc


Janet Preus
said
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My Favourite episodes:
"Mr.Plow"
"Lurlene the country singer"
"Apu & Valentine's day"
"Homer eats Japanese poison fish"
"Marges fear of flying"
"Principal Skinner & Patty dating"
"Three eyed BLINKY fish"
"Homer's rich brother"



adam haugh
said
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From the Stonecutters episode:
"Who made Steve Guttenberg a star? We do, We do"

Also, same episode:

"What do you call this one?"
"The paddling of the swollen ass!"


JG
said
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Episode where Abe Simpson marries the Vegas "lady". He and woman lying side by side in Bart's treehouse and turns over to her:

Abe: "time to give Honest Abe another term in the oval office"



said
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Can't remember the name of the episode, basically a spoof of 101 Dalmations. Mr. Burns starts singing a song called "See My Vest". The verse "See my loafers, former gophers..." leaves me laughing everytime.


Lauren H.
said
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Ok...As far as one liner's go, if you are including Ralphie into this then I think that, "You choo choo choose me?" should be included...Such a funny line!


JC
said
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Am I the only one finding this the funniest one liner:
Lisa: "The Chinese use the same word for Crisis and Opportunity"
Homer: "You mean Crisotunity?"




Ricardo Moore
said
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One of the greatest was just a few weeks ago: Done Like a '24' Episode with K.Sutherland saying "... AM, no, PM....The morning one!"


Frank
said
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Lisa,you tried your hardest and failed,lesson learned,never try. -Homer J.Simpson


Paul
said
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"Bart, remember what Vince Lombardi said... If you lose your out of the family!"

--Homer


Stad
said
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Family Guy holds no candle to Southpark. It rules all before it.

Favorite Simpsons

1. Kusty Comeback Special
Silly to even think any episode could touch this.

2. Bart vs Australia
3. X-Files Ep


Neil
said
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"You’re not the only one who can abuse a non-profit organization" Homer to Bart, Bigger Brother episode.


Brian
said
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Best scene ever was when Lisa speeds off in the car with the college girls and Ralph is left standing there and says, " Why do people run from me?" and procedes to whiz on himself


Jay
said
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SAY IT FRENCHY SAY IT

CHODER


Brian
said
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From a newer episode, Bart goes into the psychiatrists office and the sign reads " CHild PSychiatry: Where imaginary Friends go to Die." Gets me everytime


JD
said
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One of the episodes at the comic book guy store because it was so sudden. Not much of a quote, more of the scene.

Kid: There's no Batman for my Batmobile.

Guy: *in a jolly mood* Don't worry, the Thing fits in there. *forcefully puts the Thing in the Batmobile destroying the vehicle*


tricia
said
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what about the frank grimes episode. that's my favourite.


Craig W
said
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My favorite lines include;

Dr. Nick - "The coroner? I'm so sick of those guys!"

and

Homer - "First you didn't want me to get the horse, now you want me to take it back. make up your mind!"

and of course Homer singing to the tune of Mandy - "Oh, Margy, you came and found me a turkey, on my vacation away from worky"


DaveC
said
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I can't belive I read all these comments to find that NO ONE quoted:
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The moral is: never try."
And how could we forget Barney "Shouldn't you keep the fire extinguishers?"
Moe "Too many bad memories."
And for favorite episodes, the Plow King is right up there.


DT
said
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The Episode where Selma marries Troy McClure is pretty funny, with a great line. As the Simpson are off to Aunt Gladys' funeral, and Homer thinks in his head "legend of the dogface woman, and then bursts out laughing, "legend of the dog-faced woman..."

The one Ralph line that is missing is in the episode where Lisa gets her horse, one kid remarks "look her tame that horse" and Ralph, in a voice that is not Ralph's replys "...yes, but who could ever tame her..."





said
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Who could forget Homer driving home from work over a reenactment of the flintstones singing

Simspon, Homer Simpson
He's the greatest guy in history
From the town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a
chestnut tree...


Bethany Belton
said
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#1)Best Homer line for sure..."I want to do something noble...but easy"...

#2) Best....."oh...why do I have to always start my diet on pork-chop night"......



Matt H.
said
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First you didn't want me to get the pony, now you want me to get rid of it...make up you mind.


Jim
said
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"Later grizzly dudes!"
Bart to the bears who took care of Maggie, as he leaves their cave.


Alison
said
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Lisa is lost and finds a hidden military base with a map that says "you are here, we are not"

My favorite Ralph quotes; "Mrs. Hoover, i glued my head to my shoulder"
"Mrs. Hoover, which one is one?"
"Principle Skinner is an old man who lives at the school"
"Lisa's a sellout! Lisa's a sellout! Lisa, what's a sellout?"
"abcdefg...how i wonder what you are"
"bushes are nice cause they don't have prickers. unless they do, this one did, ouch"
"he's gunna smell like hotdogs"
"now i can't stand in line anymore"
"i'm a brick"
"my cats breathe smells like catfood"
"dying tickles"
"i'm happy and angry"
the Simpsons rule


Leon
said
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Homer: Shut up brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip!


MagnuS
said
0 0

Homer in New York

"THAT'S WHEN THE C.H.U.D.'s GOT ME"

maybe the most perfect B movie reference EVER!!


kyle Scott
said
0 0

"the goggles.....they do nothing!"

" homer are you licking toads again?...I am not, not licking toads."(on the tropical island where they introduce the casino to the natives)

" Homer to Jebus....save me Jebus.." ( tropical island episode again, homer on the radio.


wayne
said
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my favorite is " Mr.PLOW " loved that jacket!!!!


cplarf
said
0 0

I'm on a road appears to be gravel, there's some trees, I am directly under the sun........NOW!.

Cheif wiggum

Best line ever, i am in the military and have actually heard a lost officer use this over the radio.


fcs
said
0 0

Always loved the homer in space episode

"Carefull, they're
ruffled!"

Best Clancy Wiggum line:

"Bake 'em away, toys."


YM
said
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Hmmm, too many brilliant episodes to choose from! I can think of at least 20 from the first nine seasons on DVD! But one of my favourite episodes is the chili pepper show with Johnny Cash. That LSD like dream sequence Homer has was great. Also, anytime the writers use black and white, its shear brilliance, i.e. the Mr Plow ad, or Marge's fantasy about the bowling instructor, ....

Too many favourite quotes, but some are:

"Lisa, stop blowing my sex, I mean stop blowing your sax", Marge while fantasizing about Jack Nicholas, or
"Mmmm, unprocessed fishsticks", Homer staring at gold fish in a pond, in the CGI short of the Treehouse of Horror series.


Shaun C
said
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From the "Orb of Isis Exhibit Episode"

- " Lisa honey can you open the window...the cops have daddy's prints on file."- Homer

Best line hands down so funny.

Cheers


HugJorgan
said
0 0

Who controls the English crown?

Who keeps the metric system down?

We do

We do


FC
said
0 0

"My internet company has to have a cool, cutting edge name, like CutCo or Interslice"

Classic Homie


Colin
said
0 0

Homer-phobic episode:

"But Homer he prefers the company of men"

"Phht who doesn't?"


C. Dunn
said
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"HELP ME JEBUS"! - Homer J. Simpson


Tommy Tucker
said
0 0

Homer: (Guarding his pile of sugar) Ow! Ow! The bees! They're defending themselves somehow.
***
Ken Brockman: (seeing magnified ants on TV monitor) I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
***
Homer: Hey, Moe, going anywhere for holidays?
Moe: Yeah, been planning this trip for 10 years. Going to Easter Island.
Homer: Oh yeah, the place with the big stone heads.
Moe: The what where?


Kris
said
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Oh yeah, nobody added the sexual harrasment/Gummi Venus de Milo episode!! Ach du lieber!!


Jim
said
0 0

One of the best quotes all time: "Everything is coming up Milhouse".


Jack O.
said
0 0

Burns - I feel good today Smithers, fire somebody.

The Ramones playing at Burns birthday Party.

Ramones - Happy birthday you old b@stard.
Burns - Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers - But there not the R (at this point cut off by Burns)
Burns - DO AS I SAY.
Smithers - Yes sir.

Homer - If you don't behave yourself we will put you in a home.
Grandpa - You did put me in a home.
Homer - Then we will put you in a home we saw on 60 minuets.
Grandpa - I'll be good.

Marge questioning Lionel Hutz qualifications.
Lionel - I watched McGyver once. The sound was off, but I caught the gyst of it.

One of the funniest episodes, Dr Nick performing heart surgery on Homer.

Dr Nick - The red things connected to my wrist watch---oops.
Dr Nick - Thanks little girl (to Lisa)

Smithers - You payed 3 dollars in tax last year.
Burns - We are getting ripped off.

I think there are just to many good ones to list them all.


jonas.fischer@gmail.com
said
0 0

Hank Scorpio episode is one of the greats. Also love the Frank Grimes episode: lots of subtleties.


John Kydd
said