Ellen DeGeneres' funniest tweets of 2013 (so far)

Ellen DeGeneres' funniest tweets of 2013 (so far)
(Photo by Scott Barbour/Getty Images)
by: Vince Mirenzi

Related News

More News ►

Because when she's not dancing over a table or putting an audience member in a dunk tank, Ellen's busy writing super, hilarious, awesome tweets.

Here's CTV.ca's colourful countdown of the funniest social media punchlines from the Queen of Daytime Comedy:

1. "Back from vacation & can't remember where anything is. Where are the forks? The cups? The family photos? You know what? This isn't my house."
2. "Portia pointed out that if the movie is called "Finding Dory", I'm probably gonna be missing for most of it. Somebody get my agent."
3. "Between my humidifier & Portia making me tea non-stop, there's so much steam coming from our house people think we picked the new Pope."
4. "Watching a documentary on Australia to get ready for my trip. Okay, I'm watching "Crocodile Dundee," but I'm learning so much."
5. "I'm so happy. I just won my 13th #PeoplesChoice Award. And I'm excited because if I win 2 more I heard I can trade them in for an Oscar."
6. "A very happy birthday to my dear cousin, Kate Middleton. I hope everything's going well with baby Ellen!"
7. "Sending love to @LadyGaga and wishing her well from her hip surgery. She's so cool, even her surgery is hip."
8. "Happy birthday, @JustinBieber! The screaming fans, the Twitter following, the perfect hair -- I'm sorry, I'm thinking of me."
9. "Happy Birthday to the 1st Lady of the U.S., @FLOTUS Michelle Obama, from the 1st lady in line at the Cost Plus sale, Ellen DeGeneres."
10. "It's National Handwriting Day! It's a time for us all to sit back and try to remember what our handwriting looks like."
11. "Los Angeles didn't make the list of friendliest cities. I hope those stupid idiots who did that test never come back."
12. "@TheBlackKeys really made an incredible album. Imagine how good it would be if they also used the white keys."
13. "I had a great birthday, and now the house is finally back in order. I just need to figure out how to get @JimmyKimmel out of my bathtub."
14. "Jason Sudeikis and @OliviaWilde are engaged! That's wonderful. I hope this helps him get over me."
15. "Happy Birthday, @VictoriaBeckham and Jennifer Garner! I decided to get you both the same thing -- sexy, sexy husbands."
16. "Got some yarn for my flight. I'm gonna knit Kate Middleton's baby some booties and a tiny, tiny crown."
17. "This morning I dyed Portia's hair green for St. Patrick's Day! She's gonna love it as soon as she wakes up."
18. "@Shakira had a baby! And I heard it from her hips, so I know it's not a lie."
19. "H_PPY B_RTHD_Y V_NN_ WH_T_! Wanna buy a vowel?"
20. "It's National Weatherman Day! There's a 60% chance I'm going to celebrate."

You can follow Ellen DeGeneres on Twitter by clicking here.



The Ellen Degeneres Show

Weekdays at 4pm ET/PT on CTV and 10am ET/PT on CTV Two

Available Online: Day after broadcast

Watch full-length episodes of The Ellen Degeneres Show for 7 days after the original broadcast without signing in. Sign in to catch up on additional videos.

Mo 5/25: Jennifer Garner, James Marsden, Fences & Macklemore 
Tu 5/26: Josh Groban, Aydian Dowling
We 5/27: Beth Behrs, Kendrick Lamar, Steve Spangler
Th 5/28: Vince Vaughn, Megan Boone, Tim McClellan 
Fr 5/29: Bill Clinton, Pitbull 

Ellen DeGeneres Show


  • etalk extended

    Danielle Graham talks to all the big stars at the amfAR Gala in Cannes.

  • Day and night star style

    These 10 stars looked flawless in Cannes, transitioning from day to night looks.

  • Full Cannes coverage

    All the glamour of the 68th Cannes Film Festival in one spot. Check out news, photos, video and more!

  • TLC pulls '19 Kids and Counting'

    TLC has pulled '19 Kids and Counting' from its schedule amid Josh Duggar sexual misconduct reports.

Watch Movies On CTV.ca!