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Men like their women dumped, study says

Jennifer Aniston, left, is joined by then-husband Brad Pitt as she arrives at the 54th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002, at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kim D. Johnson) Couple Couple
Jennifer Aniston, left, is joined by then-husband Brad Pitt as she arrives at the 54th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002, at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kim D. Johnson)

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Date: Saturday Jan. 1, 2011 8:56 PM ET

You've just met the perfect woman/man. They're sweet but sexy, make you laugh until you fall over, and have baby blue eyes that make you think of bad poetry about the ocean. But they were dumped in their last relationship -- so is it buyer beware?

A new study has a surprising answer to the question, saying how you react to your paramour's previous relationship depends on your gender. Men's rating of a woman improved when they found out she had been dumped, while women prefer men who initiated their previous breakup, a study published in Evolutionary Psychology says.

The elegantly named "Rejection Hurts: The Effect of Being Dumped on Subsequent Mating Efforts" study notes dumping can be seen as similar to selling a car. The seller has a lot of information about the car, but it's the fact that they are selling that may be the most important.

Study author Christine Stanik of the Department of Psychology at the University of Michigan said the difference in findings by gender was unexpected.

"Women found men more desirable if they found they had rejected their last partner, but the opposite was true for men," she said in an interview. "Initially, I was expecting that everyone would like the person who rejected their last partner more because it's an indication perhaps that the person is of high status (or) is willing to risk breaking up with someone to find a relationship that is more suitable for them."

Stanik says the study did not find why men were more willing to date spurned women, but she had a few thoughts to offer.

"One thing I can speculate is that a man initiating a breakup might be keeping up with the idea of dominance that is inherent in gender roles but when a woman does that . . . men might find that woman too picky, too high maintenance," she said.

Men, basically, see a woman who ended her last relationship as more likely to do the same to them.

But women, according to the study, see much more positives coming out of dating someone who initiated their most recent breakup.

Michelle, a "nearly 30-something" from Montreal says she prefers to date men who initiated their last breakup because it's a sign they are not hung up on their ex.

"Because they've taken more time to think about the breakup, they may be less emotionally attached than if their partner broke up with them," the marketing and communications manager said.

"You always may wonder if they're still thinking about that other person, wishing they were still together."

Not surprisingly, the study also found that the disclosure of how the previous breakup occurred had a larger impact on someone looking for a long-term partner verses a short-term sexual fling.

"If a man is thinking about just having a sexual relationship with a woman, finding out she rejected her last partner didn't matter," Stanik said.

Both men and women were put off by a failure of their prospective partner to disclose the events surrounding the ending of their previous relationship, although women were more turned off than men.

Adam, a 29-year-old business owner in Calgary, says he thinks it's important to "have a bit of feel" for what happened in a new girlfriend's previous relationship.

"I think it's important you discuss that kind of stuff. I think it gives you a better feel for the person, you know where they came from," he said. "You learn what they learned from their last relationship."

The study consisted of 198 participants from the University of Michigan. Participants responded to the attractiveness of fictional online dating ads on the scale of one to nine, first based on trivial data and then after learning their response to the query "My last relationship ended because …"

The study did not include data from homosexual relationships.

Comments are now closed for this story

Catwoman 38
said

I can't believe I am reading this sexist article.Women dump men all the time as well.I know I have dumped guys in the past . And vice versa.It goes both ways. Depends on the reasons why people get dumped


Mimi2005
said

Everyone has their own personality. Just keep looking until you find one that's right for you! Some things are good to know about people before you commit to them but let's not study basic human needs to death. It makes the dating experience somewhat less interesting.


Janine
said

Relationships are not as cut and dry as this author suggests. Anyone with a brain knows that you can't understand the inner workings of any relationship or breakup. Sometimes the men will act likes cads, just so the woman breaks up with them. On the other hand, the female may not even be as into the relationship, hence the reason the men may act like cads, so the female feels relieved of guilt for breaking it off. It's too complex, and If I ask what ended the guy's last relationship, It's just out of curiosity, just to see the response. I would never take what was said to be the truth, because it's a subjective view.


Another men vs women article
said

The study's results are obvious, and can be explained in the following way:1) Men have historically been providers; is it easier to provide for a woman with a strong personality and high self esteem (the dumpers)? Or a woman who can be seen as rejected and weak (dumpee)?2) Women have historically been procreators, and sought the company of strong, willful men in order to ensure procreation and protection...now are the strong men the dumpers? or dumpees?Or does it have to do with Christianity and what it says in the bible: Dump ye, lest ye be dumped!!


Dan from McMurray
said

Wow, now ther is an objective study.....You know I was a soldier not long ago. I made a vow that while wearing green I would never marry. I transferred to the Airforce and met the love of my life...who I might add has stuck through thick and thin with me for the last ten years this January 6th! I have taken hearts and seen the aftermath and to be honest with you, I wouldn;t want the baggage...and neither did my Brother's in arms. So , in my opinion, a study that has probably cost too much money to really have any kind of quantitative impact on the world...Save the money and apply it to something that is meaningfull.....


Windex
said

Could we please take the money spent on this study and direct it to saving lives...complete fluff.....


MarcO
said

I would like to know how objective that study was. How many couples were interviewed? Were there other mitigating factors? Was physical attractiveness factored in? What about the age groups?Bottom line: You can make numbers say just about anything.


Norm
said

Women...can't live with them, pass the beer nuts.


tim
said

You people got it all wrong. One of the biggest fears women have is being alone (manless). Its part of their genetic make-up. That's why women like men who treat them like crap. Men on the other hand are pigs. they like pretty much anything as long as it puts out.


shawbrooke
said

I don't agree with the author's speculation and opinion, but the study's data findings sound like the findings from other studies. The findings ring oh so true to real life. Let's take the pressure off ourselves and not have to learn something from every relationship. Some experiences are a one off. The best learning comes from the circumstances - as in how did I get into this mess. If you date someone to whom you are only mildly attracted, have sex before you actually know him/her, and then substitute living in for a commitment, is it any wonder that the relationship is not long term? Those looking for long term will be running in the opposite direction!A series of short term relationships leaves people too busy and not available for people who want long term .


kc-bby
said

The entire premise of this study is so off. Manogamy is by design destined to fail! All relationships either end in failure or worse, the couple will continue to live together in spite of its failure.


TPol
said

The reason for this is because catching a chick on the 'rebound' is the easiest way for a guy to get laid.


Alex
said

Men like sex, legs, boobs, money and cars. Women like jeweleries, clothes,money and lots of attention. Men are devastated when their women leave them. It's more about ego than anything else. Women are upset when their men leave them because of the luxury. Many men are possessive and rude, many women are demanding. There is not a perfect person on this planet unless someone lives alone on an island talking to the birds. Women are annoying especially those on the high positions.The clothes, long hair and nails count the most.There are so many good men but because of the demanding women they get mad, and there are so many good,understanding women but because of the rude men behavior they give up and runaway. We are complicated creature who will never be fully satisfied. Such is life and we have to deal with it - enjoy the ride :)


Victorian Kate (86 years strong)
said

I have to agree with Will and Dianne. It has been my experience that women tend to be the more dominant member of the relationship. Traditionally, women ran the home while the male "brought home the bacon" and also brought in additional income themselves. Usually the man, doing heavy labour outside, was happy to be "looked after" at home and left the decisions there up to her. I have seen that, especially in families where the male travels a lot, that the wife is always the one in charge though she will help support his ego by leaving the appearance of him being "master of the house" in place for everyone else to see. But, have you ever heard the old expression "she who must be obeyed"? It might not be as true troday as in the past but wise men know it. And for the silly ones who will say I know nothing, I have survived two husbands and have 3 sons.


Alyx Crawford
said

At the risk of over-generalizing: women like men who have been dumped -- "broken" men -- so that they can "fix" them; Men prefer their women "perfect," however unrealistic that ideal may be.


Will
said

Oh, Gee, generalalarm; I'm flattered but not interested. I am very happily married to a lovely woman (going on 35 years now). Please dierect your attentions elsewhere.


Diane (Marriage counsellor)
said

Men and women were created to compliment each other not live individual independent lives but as ONE. You might want to consider why so few people can stay together any more. They have lost touch which what a man is and what a woman is in terms of a union relationship. Today all people want to do is take away rather than give into a relationship and that is why they don't last for the most part. People are selfish rather than lovers.


Dumper, dumpee or just dumb?
said

100% fluff. Do people actually believe this kind of drivel non sense? Sadly they do and in any number of dumb thinks like horoscopes and the like. Sad world we live in.


Toronto Citizen
said

@Will I agree. Men have always said, You can't live with them and You can't live without them. It is so true. Women have always had control over men, sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it is not. Men want just one thing that a woman has. A woman wants an endless things that a man has. This is why we still have relationships between men and women. Anyhow, this is part of common sense, stop wasting time and money researching this topic.


generalAlarm
said

Will, You failed to note the last sentence in this article. I think it applies to you.


Will
said

This study and its "findigns" tell more about the author than anything else. She sees men as seeking dominance over women, when the reality (as demonstrated by years of reliable research) is that women are usually the dominant part fo the relationship. If you doubt, consider: 1. What are the 4 words every married man (or man in a committed relationship) fears? "We have to talk". 2. What 2 words does every man use, simple to keep the peace, whether he agrees or not? "Yes, dear". The author of this study is presenting her own baggage, not a scientific result.


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