Coming to a Facebook profile near you: A chronological history of everything you have ever done, from photos of that university kegger to the comments you posted on your ex-girlfriend's wall. All lined up for easy access.

That's right, wring your hands until they are dry and chapped and must be doused in a vat of scented moisturizer, the first-world problem of Facebook's Timeline format will soon be foisted upon even the most devout opponent.

And there is nothing you or I can do to stop it. We can only hope to contain it.

Introduced last year as an optional layout, Timeline is being rolled out and will reach each one of Facebook's 800 million active users at some point this month.

Timeline displays everything that you have ever posted to Facebook in chronological order, allowing friends to scroll through your life year by year, even month by month, all the way back to the day you were born.

I have heard it dismissed as an unnecessary change, an eyesore and even as a shameless bid to pressure Facebook users to add more information. One recent survey found that just one in 10 users supported the Timeline changeover.

But those who do support Timeline praise its clean graphic layout that makes photos and videos more prominent than text and gives users a chance to highlight the best of their online history.

In order to get to the bottom of the Facebook Timeline "controversy," this gallant writer accepted his fate and, in a transparent excuse to play with Facebook at work, made the change early, abandoning his static wall for the interactive alternative.

I clicked the "publish Timeline" button and waited for the worst. When there were no obvious signs that the Apocalypse had arrived, I followed a tutorial through the changes.

The first thing I was asked to do was choose a "cover" for my timeline. The cover is a massive photo that acts as a sort of title page.

Some early Timeline adopters on my friends' list used landscape photos or artistic shots of their neighbourhood as their cover. I chose a photo of myself standing next to my oldest friend on his wedding day.

If one photo is going to be used to immortalize me to the masses, that one is a pretty good place to start. Plus, I looked really good in that suit.

The cover photo is a nice touch and provides a solid face to the new page, which plays photos and videos prominently down each side of a central spine.

Here is why the people at Facebook are geniuses.

I have remained begrudgingly active on the social network since I signed up in 2006, during the heady phase of new friends and social events that came with my return to post-graduate school.

Yet, I have loathed the system, loathed knowing that every time I logged on some top secret computer laboratory was collecting personal information coveted by marketers far and wide.

I rarely posted information, but still my wall filled with notes of friend acceptances, photographs and the occasional news story I posted as recommended reading.

And then, Timeline arrived, laying out my life in a chronology of empty spaces. There would be a photo posted here, and then month-long gaps before the next entry.

Scrolling further down, I was hit with the stark realization that if I were to die today, anyone viewing my page would think that I accomplished absolutely nothing before I joined Facebook on Dec. 6, 2006.

They would think I accomplished even less after that date, but at least there was detailed evidence to support the theory.

• I had forgotten that, in 2008, I was a member of a private Facebook group apparently designed to come up with the worst-possible idea for a movie script.
• I once used a picture of Donatello – the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, not the artist – as a profile picture. He is not even my favourite Ninja Turtle.
• I used to be obsessed with the TV show "Lost." It was literally the only thing I posted about in early 2010.

Save for one glorious friend request accepted on July 8, 2011, these were the highlights of my life on Facebook.

The emptiness of my Timeline made me want to immediately fill in more information, post more pictures, attend more events, just to fill in my timeline.

I didn't want to give Facebook any more personal information, yet at the same time I wanted it to know everything about me. Like I said, geniuses.

Frankly, for those people who like trolling Facebook, the Timeline is a big step forward. The jettisoned wall looks cookie-cutter and cardboard compared to the image- and video-heavy Timeline replacing it.

For those who loved the previous version of Facebook, it may take some time to adjust to the new reality.

For others, the change could rejuvenate your interest in the social network and lead you to post more status updates, upload more pictures and, the hungry geniuses at Facebook hope, give them even more personal information.

How to clean up your Timeline

Ok, so it seems Facebook wants all your dirty little business laid out in a row for anyone to see, right? Well, not exactly. All of your privacy settings will transfer over to the Timeline.

Still, some things best left buried may resurface in the new, more transparent layout. So it may be a good idea to do a little grooming before your Timeline goes public.

• Comb through your Timeline – It may take some time, but it could be worth it. Scroll slowly through the Timeline, from today back until the day you joined. If you see any posts that shouldn't be public, click the pencil in the top right corner. You can hide it from view or delete entirely.
• Ditto with your Activity Log – The option along the top option bar lets you look through every action you have ever taken. I mean ever. Skim through and give the worst of your wall posts the silent treatment.
• Where in the world? – Any photo or update you have included a location with will be included in your Maps log on the option bar. Click through and delete any location "pins" you find unsettling or embarrassing – like the last time you were in Buffalo
• Take one last look – If you have specific concerns about what someone is seeing on your Timeline, there is an option to view your page from an outsider's perspective. Click the asterisk next to your Activity Log button and choose "View As" to look through the eyes of a specific user and make any last-minute changes.

Matthew Coutts is on Twitter. Follow him at @mrcoutts